I sat down earlier this week to write a fun post about our fall wreath party last weekend. Unfortunately, my blog decided to not work and has been having issues ever since. Lucky for me, my husband is good with all of this and has restored most of my blog so that I can write a post that I have been thinking about for quite awhile now. Although it is not anywhere near as uplifting as seeing pictures of the cute wreaths that we made, it is what is on my mind and important to me right now. (I promise the wreaths will come later. :))
A year ago today:
-my husband and I had a appointment with a doctor that we were very anxious about.
- we were brought into a room filled with the cutest baby footprints on the wall.
- we were introduced to some wonderful people at St. Vincent hospital.
- we were told that our family was going to double in size!
- I saw my husband more shocked than I ever have in my 8 years with him. (I will never forget that face!)
- I was officially a “m-o-m.”
- I was elated to start our own family.
- I was shocked at the 3,500 calories I was asked to take in daily for these growing babies. :) (I was told I had a “license to eat”)
- we were told to be a little concerned about one of the babies.
- we decided how and when to tell family members of our joy and concern at the same time.
-we had no idea that we would only have another two and half weeks with these blessings from the Lord.
- I didn’t cry when I thought about them.
- I didn’t understand the type of impact these little angels would have on my life.
- I could NEVER have imagined that when I think about them daily I would always see them being held by Robert Connor. (His voice still haunts me: “Kristin, I got to hold your babies first.” I know he is taking care of them.)
I still have to constantly remind myself that it is all God’s plan even when I don’t understand it. It is a big relief to know that God is taking care of everything and that I have beautiful angels up there to meet someday. I can’t imagine going through this journey without knowing God’s love. This year was hard. I had a lot of mixed emotions. There were times that I felt guilty for being upset. How could I be upset when other women loose their babies after they have felt them kick, seen their faces, held them? I think about all these angels and back to Robert and Richard and think about how wonderful a place heaven must be! I know I have said it before, but I am constantly trying to be “ok” with letting God take control of my life. Every time I think I have it covered, I realize I haven’t really given up full control. As Norah Jones would say “You humble me Lord.”
Since my blog is nothing without pictures, except for when it is not working, I will leave you with something that ties into this topic.
After everything was said and done, I said that I wanted something that was just for me to have a reminder of my “girls” (I am convinced they were both girls…..I don’t really have a good reason why?!?) I had a scab on my wrist for awhile from the IV and decided I wanted a bracelet to make that reminder permanent. I ended up getting a beautiful double angel wing bracelet off of etsy. The wings were in the shape of a heart and I wore it facing me so nobody else could really even notice it. It was perfect…..kinda…it only cost $12 and was made out of string…so I finally decided to pull the trigger and buy a more permanent reminder. Here is my new “angel baby” bracelet that I cherish so much!
I apologize for any tears that I have caused to fall and promise that my next post will be back to silliness and nonsense. :) Off to a relaxing weekend….